Two-Month-Old Twins Taken from Parents

Both children were treated for injuries including 3 broken ribs. Sad 😦

http://www.wtvm.com/story/18369830/2012/05/13/twins-taken-from-parents-after-expected-child-abuse

Who is a Parent? Surrogacy & Technology Making Lines Blur

Battles in courts including the US Supreme court are racing to answer the question!

http://www.npr.org/2012/04/14/150586618/legal-debate-over-surrogacy-asks-who-is-a-parent

Don’t Run in the House

As a boy in the days of black & white, my best friends were identical twins. Most kids got them mixed up but I could tell the difference. Matching clothes, hair cuts or not I knew Mike from Mark. At puberty and beyond many of us drifted apart but not this pair. To this day, decades later, they speak and see each other weekly where I have not seen them for a good decade now. I guess it’s no accident that some relationships have built in connection and staying power.parenting.ivillage.com/baby/bmultiples/0,,43wt-p,00.html

So, it was not much surprise when my Quad-son Matthew, after recently sitting in the waiting area of our local “Doc in the Box “ for a long, long time (by five-year-old standards) sighed and said “ I miss Jonathan, Franchesca and Nathaniel, when can we go home to them?” No mention of Mom, neither older nor toddler sisters and not much comfort from my presence. The other three were missing and this, not his impending medical procedure, was his growing concern.

Now a scant hour before, Matthew was in the car with a compress to his head demanding justice. Jonathan had knocked him down. “When we get home Jonathan’s gotta get a spanking daddy!?!” was his refrain. Of course there was no mention of the multiple times their mother had just asked them to not run in the house, pleaded for them to slow down and sagely predicted dire result should her warning not be heeded.

You see, I had just come in the front door with our oldest; the self-described “band-geek” when Franchesca met me with news that Matthew was bleeding “all over his face.” http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/first-aid-cuts/FA00042Years of parenting with advanced Graduate work as a quad-father has left me with iron nerves. Though you might expect I’d have none left at all. Still this type of information gets rapid response, quick reaction and top priority but no panic.

While running in multiple orders, two or more, in this case four, when in the lead and you are the smallest do not make a sudden stop. Commuters know this. Camry’s and Kia’s do not lock em up in front of Suburban’s and Mack trucks. Matthew stopped, Jonathan did not. The resulting transfer of energy put Matthew on the floor soundly. http://www.lifespy.com/2007/how-to-prevent-accidents-indoors/The blow must have been evenly distributed like a square shot from a boxer’s glove. There was no growing bump or bruise just a clean split, 3 quarters inch long, 3 eighths inch wide just above the right ear. kidshealth.org/teen/safety/first_aid/falls_sheet.html

Mom had the situation in hand but there was more than a trace of, shall we say, blood spatter. There was no need to collect the abundant evidence. Three eye-witnesses and a confession seemed amble to find Jonathan guilty of bad breaks and greater body mass with no malice of forethought. Minor quad-sibling calamity number 72 thousand, eight hundred and eleven all resulting in the need for our first Quad-Stitches or actually, Quad-Staples.firstaid.about.com/od/bleedingcontrol/ss/bleedingsteps.htm

At 8:15pm we finally rolled out of the “Doc in the Box”. Matthew was sporting two shiny new stainless steel staples which were administered “sans” numbing meds. Only the barest wince on his part did more to make me feel better than Matthew might ever know. I mean he took it better than I think I would have. This is the type of stuff that Dad’s see in their sons and just nod, knowing what degree of wimp or weenie they themselves have been in the past.www.freemd.com/lacerations/home-care-stitches.htm

On the way home, fun meal in hand, justice was no longer a topic. Matthew could not wait to show his brothers and sisters his new little medals. He had triumphed and all was forgiven even if he had been the one to stomp the breaks with no warning. The next day at Kindergarten Matthew was a hero. Nathaniel, Franchesca and even Jonathan were falling over themselves to show off their brother with the shiny staples in his head to all who might find wonder.

Multi’s seem to just do better together. Even in the N.I.C.U. way back when, space was made so all the “Fab Four” could be close to each other. It seems multiples have a 20% greater outcome if they are with in three feet of each other or so I recall. In some ways I have to wonder if the rest of us are missing out on something. I mean in our Quad’s world even an accidental bloody boo-boo and stapling gives rise to closer ties and group excitement. parenting.ivillage.com/baby/bmultiples/0,,lz_6r9n,00.html

Oh that we all had the power to be and stay this close. Even from just outside our little quad lateral the best part is still being a part and watching as the show unfolds. For me none of this is by accident. I purpose to hope and pray the same for you but remember stay off the sudden breaking and “don’t run in the house.”

Just Past the Challenges

Mornings around here start out with a nearly peculiar amount of peace and quiet. Around 5am inside our mountain home near the Crest of the Blue Ridge little stirs in the wee hours. That is except my wife Pam who by my wake-up has been rolling for an hour or more. Her fleeting fingers in a whirl across her computer firing data via satellite to several servers that know no rest. The servers are located in Pam and her partner Melissa’s secret downtown headquarters. It is there that the combined efforts of several dozen employees situated in five states and the District of Columbia converge at a silent, shaded city locale. All these coordinated from somewhere way up in the hills where the air is sweeter and life just a wee bit neater.

Rolling down the long stairs, having hazily greeted my already busy spouse, my way is straight to the fresh coffee that is waiting. Ground with care some hours before, the black and silver high tech brewer having been programmed with precision to jump start my day to the appropriate R.P.M.’s needed for an at home dad of seven with a set of Quadruplets in the middle.

This early, easy time is set aside for pronderance, prayer, caffeine and a quick check of current events. A sweet morning respite set in the calm of a large, warm and temporarily silent family room. All to allow for my much recommended emotional, psychical, spiritual and intellectual refocusing that is so needed after one of our “average” days and before the next.

You see, 9 breakfasts, 7 lunches, several showers, a slew of tooth brushing, the removal of 20 pounds of “jammies”, donning of 40 pounds of clean “school clothes” one quarter mile trip to the bus stop and a quick jaunt to pre-school will all occur in the 90 minutes following. Of course there are always multiple questions, several side tracks and special instructions particular to that day’s special activities. Not to mention a few chores, at least one false start and some adjustment or the other for weather conditions. Usually meaning either, “Yes, I said you need a jacket!”, “No, it’s raining, no flip-flops!” or the classic “Those are your brothers shorts, that is why they are so tight and you need long pants!”

Once this bit of introductory goings-on are settled it is time for a deep breath. It never fails around then that the growing green beauty that rolls into blue hued peaks just past the little church and country store across the pond and pasture always steals my attention for a quick moment. After this it is time to deal with the upkeep of 8 horses, eight dogs, Lord knows how many spayed and neutered cats; I am guessing around 8, a smattering of cattle and all the other things that need attention on a 40 acre mountain farm.

Now do not get me wrong. On most mornings Pam and I are able go about several pleasant mutual activities and responsibilities. Sadly many of these have been compressed between doctors, therapy and occasional medical procedures for the last several months. All of which the result of someone running a most conspicuous country stop sign and our unexpected deceleration from 40 M.P.H. to 0 M.P.H. in about .8 seconds. Yea, this slows you down for some time to come but it has not stopped us or our mini-mega-family of nine. It has just added a bit more unwelcomed challenge.
You see the moral of this story is that life is a challenge. Raising higher order multiples, running a mid-sized small business, at home daddying, overcoming a bit of pain, bush-hogging the back twenty all might seem a bit daunting and it is. You have to take those moments, deep breaths and sweet respites. In them the blessings given and beauty surrounding awaits to be appreciated. Chock full of healthy perspectives and a selfless sense of purpose that comes from being thankful. I know Pam and I are one lucky couple here at the Crest of the Blue Ridge. Even if our days are way full, our strides temporarily a bit slower and most of them still up hills and down.

Taking this quick peek at our world, whether you see the challenges, the blessings or both understand that we are all pretty much the same. Just in a different place, with a different scene outside our windows. So, take a bit of hybrid-hillbilly advice and take your own moment to breath it all in. City, country or suburb surroundings make little difference. What you do on behalf of that next group of at home dads, moms, parents, entrepreneurs and busy adults of the future is your chance to bless back in the face of all your blessings and challenges. If you will stop and look hard, just past the challenges you will see the blessings right there. Asking those questions, putting on the wrong pants and wearing their flip-flops out into the rain.
Blessings,

Parenting for Fun and Profit?

By now everyone has seen the merriment and mayhem of parents and their multiples on “Reality TV”. All the free VIP tours of resort parks, major tourist locales and name brand shopping chains have sent many flocking for IVF treatment. Or was there anyone beside Nadja Suleman? Take it from me what you see on TV is about as reliable as the “Mixxie Chopper” for $5.99 that dices, slices and screens annoying calls. Of course the “mixxie “will fall apart the 1st time it leaves your dishwasher and so sadly do most of the made for TV family cash ins. Remember this, whatever they are selling on TV; if you don’t buy it, it goes away! The trouble is too many are buying into these concocted “family” circuses.

Parenting today is a most serious business. Just Goggle “parenting books” you will find 14 million 5 hundred thousand hits! Try “parenting author” you get a mere 18 million 6 hundred thousand. Forgive me if I sound a bit jaded but I have an unusual perspective. Yes I am an at home dad, of quadruplets plus three. Yep, teens to toddlers with 40 acres, 8 dogs, 8 horses, a smattering of cattle and Lord knows how many cats (all spayed or neutered).

Now I am not alone here in the mega dad pool, Brian Reid http://www.rebeldad.com/, Dennis Ross http://www.iparenting.com/dad/0702.htm , http://personalweb.about.com/gi/o.htm?zi=1/XJ&zTi=1&sdn=personalweb&cdn=compute&tm=191&gps=219_383_1020_567&f=10&su=p284.9.336.ip_p504.1.336.ip_&tt=11&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//quads9.homestead.com/ and maybe a few more deserve some acclaim for having made it through the challenge of a domestic male in the middle of mega multiples and more. I believe myself, Mr. Reid, Mr. Ross and many amazing everyday at-home dads, at-home-moms and just regular moms and dads, grandparents and a myriad of steps all have one thing in common. Our priority and focus is on our kids. Not so much the next round of “Dancing With the Stars”, finding a spot on the “Today Show”, revamping our failed “shows” to keep cashing in on Cable TV’s big-top sideshow revue.

People who parent as a priority, not a profession, let alone as a media personality are the greatest asset our kids and culture have. Some simply prioritize family in an effort to recreate the warm healthy home they flourished in. Others purpose not to recreate the disruptions and confusion of a home life broken, bruised, confused yet overcome. Still more are a little lost having no healthy template to go by and circumstances out of their control. In some of those 14 million 5 hundred thousand hits for “parenting books” there is actually some really good stuff but the real help is closer to you than cyberspace or Books-A-Near-Billion.

Clubs and organizations are out there but they are only as great as the successful parents in them. Those that are making it happen and doing it well must reach out and share their victories, wisdom, heart and purpose. Daddys Home http://www.daddyshome.com/, Mothers of Preschoolershttp://www.mops.org/ , Mothers of Multipleshttp://www.mothersofmultiples.com/, Parents without Partners http://www.parentswithoutpartners.org/ and many others are great resources but it is the personal connections, friendships and outreach they offer that can make the difference.

So as summer brings us the promise of refurbishes and reruns of somewhat entertaining yet potentially destructive, exploitive and dysfunctional “family” entertainment check around for some real relational space you might share with a real family that deserves some help. Offer to baby-sit, call to include or strike up a casual affirming conversation. You do not need to write a book or give a sermon, just set some examples and offer a sincere hand. Your real life connection and caring might mute some of the noise our cash-in culture keep blaring like a crazed carnival barker. Near desperate to promote their half-baked household cabarets with their highly lucrative commercials and freaky future episode promos that keep all three rings roaring along.