Posts tagged ‘god’

August 5, 2010

Relational Stewardship and The God Perspective

As a father of seven, with quadruplets in the middle you might say I have become the experienced conductor of a large domestic locomotive. Nearly nine years now as an at home dad for teens to toddlers, 4 girls, three boys with four at one time might just have given me a bit of insight but you tell me.

Parenting, to my thinking is a trust executed as an art. It is practiced with intention, instincts, passion and planning or it becomes something akin to a train wreck. The wreckage of which is not twisted cars and broken rails but warped lives and ruined futures. There are so many opinions, how-to’s, materials and experts in the parenting universe. How does a well intentioned mom or dad tell if they have their family on the right tracks? Well, I suggest you might try to consider this; see yourself as a relational steward working from a God perspective.

Now I know a lot of folks just run away at the mention of terms like Stewardship or God these days. So, as a courtesy to those that may find an unintentional offense at my terminology, do this little intellectual exercise if you feel you must. Whenever I use the word “Steward” mentally insert the word “Conservation” and for my use of the word “God” just mentally insert the word “Useful”. Feel free to cut and paste this whole rant into your word processor of preference, title it “Relational Conservation from the Useful Perspective” and edit it up before consumption. Then judge my rhetoric, zeal and advice as to whether they affect any meaningful persuasion. Don’t just tune-out because of one little word! That would not be well, not “useful” to anyone.
I am convinced that nearly all parents have a genuine desire to do the best for their kids. However, for many, due in part to the tidal wave of materials, services and advice offered some have become too performance driven. This creates a restless “how do I stack up” mentality. Indeed parenting for some seems almost competitive. These find their focus becoming askew if not careful. Their efforts gradually more driven by appearances and anxieties than by healthy attainable goals based on the near and far term.

Also as families world-wide are breaking down. Sociologist and other researchers have shown that much of the dysfunction is generationally related. If one is raised by parents or a parent struggling with, poverty, addiction or some other challenge their children are most likely to as well. If children are raised with no standard or poor standards of behavior, low expectations of success or little true acceptance their probability of recreating these conditions is sadly almost assured.
These are two distinct sets of parenting groups. One set hyper motivated, insecure and performance driven. The other set under motivated, generationally dysfunctional with grave situational and societal challenges. Both groups have this in common a misplaced focus and distorted view of success. This is where my wife and my use of relational stewardship from the God perspective has kept us on track and on schedule.
Every individual has given talents and abilities. They also have given relationships. We do not get to choose our parents and siblings. Our family of origin is out of our control. Yet as seasons pass we will take our turns in the parade of parents and generations. This is God’s perspective. The parade goes on and on and He sees it all. He sees it in whole. It is hard for people to think this way but the effort is very useful.
You see that family of origin that we could not control may have given us some bruises and broken templates to build upon. We have the power to not allow an out of control spiral to continue by changing the goal-line. All we were given, the good and bad we must steward, manage and utilize. We do this in light of what the parade was like before us and how we want it to look after we turn the corner and fade from ground level view.

To do this we must make relationships the priority. The materialism of our time is deceiving. The toys and technology will breakdown. The opinions and approval of other will shift and wane. The cars, homes and clothes will age and fashions change. The relationships and the seasons we are given will ever be a part of the parade. Our ability to shape and direct them relies on the priority and focus we give them. Not recreating the dysfunction, changing the downward spirals and ending the anxiety driven, image motivated and competitive relational approach make God’s perspective a place where approval can be found and becomes healthy.
Perhaps this sounds simplistic all I can tell you is it come with practice. Take a quiet moment to reflect on where your family train is heading. Consider what that parade looks like once you get past street level. Where ever you are along the line and down the boulevard change is just a purposed mental step away if you can get the right perspective. From my unique perception this might be the most useful if not Godly thing any of us can do.

July 6, 2010

I’ve Got Mail : So Do You!

Being a dad or a mom is not always easy. It has always seemed as if parenting provides a small view of God’s perspective on folks in general. There is that protective and nurturing season, where the nearly helpless infant needs nearly everything to be done for them. Then the progressive independence that leads to a time of teenaged near blind rebellion. Yep, parenting is a lens that shows so much about our own shortcomings and seditious spirits. That is if we make the humbling effort to distinguish it in the clutter a busy day of parenting.

It is far too easy to just barrel through and not take notice of how we act and react to our kids in all their twists, turns and sputters towards maturity. Many times we find ourselves regretting how we handled a circumstance or two. It is a tricky business dealing with the various differences in stages, personalities and temperaments. Even more so, I suppose for those like we who have several at the same age at the same time. Indeed, I find myself wishing sometimes that our Quads were back at that hectic but predicable infant age. That was a time consuming stage but if planned properly it was manageable and easy to understand.

I guess what I am attempting to explain is what God has dropped in my mailbox today. I am inadequate to the task. I cannot grasp it all from toddler to teen in our home here today. I cannot see over the horizon to what adult kids with tweeners and kindergartener will look like. I cannot guess what grandkids and teen Quads with a tweener will require. On even until all the kids are gone and ….

What God seems to telling me is that I am not sufficient. Even I and my amazing wife together are still not sufficient. But we are able if we accept the Grace to be inadequate, insufficient and less than perfect. That Grace is sufficient. Having done all things we must stand in faith of His Grace. Humbled by the overwhelming realization that in all our season until nothing but pictures and fond memories remain of our unique time. His Grace is more than able to accomplish all that is before us and more. Indeed it will accomplish His will. Even more so if I will let loose of my own!

There, I feel better having shared the mail. I can do this with my peace restored and full of happy expectation because I am not in control. So if you are having one of those out of control kind of days. Stop and check your mailbox or just write your name over this address and let the weight slip off of your shoulder and on to His.